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The Key to Daily Practice: A Father Speaks

I have a wife and daughter [4 years] and a job [8-9 hours/day] but still manage 3-4 hours of practice each day. The secret is in these four:
• simplicity
• discipline and effort
• inspiration and flexibility
• no choice

Simplicity:
No TV, no reading, no music, no computer, short phone calls only… There’s no shrine room in our small house and I have to practise downstairs in the sitting room amongst left over toys from my daughter’s play the evening before. I have just three pictures that I set up in 20 seconds and create the environment by practice.

Discipline and effort:
I go to bed early every night, by nine o’clock, and wake up at 4.30 am each morning. This has been built up gradually over a period of 3 years by waking up 15 minutes earlier every three months. I get up as soon as the alarm goes off - no laying in - and take time to wake up before I sit on the cushion – water on the face, make a hot drink, stretching, open the window for fresh air; if I don’t do this I’m falling asleep on the cushion. With all of this I try to be very mindful not to wake our daughter. It’s more difficult to practise in the evening, but I do close the day’s practice just before bed.

Inspiration and Flexibility:
Always up for a personal challenge, I find the commitment of accumulation an inspiration. Flexibility is very important otherwise I get bored and fall asleep on the cushion. After a few years I realised it was better not to have any plan before the practice session; it depends on circumstances - sometimes more study, sometimes more accumulation, sometimes more sitting, but I don’t make rigid plans any more. Rigidity kills the clarity; but still I have to hold myself and not be distracted. I have just a few materials - ngondro, daily sadhana practice book, KLS, study pack and Rinpoche’s Activity Teachings.

Because of family life, I can’t always do as I want, so flexibility is very important. If I feel frustrated that I can’t do my daily practice, this could get projected, making a mess across the whole family. So not always having my own time and space is also a practice of developing flexibility and letting go.

No Choice:
I know that I have no choice.

Often our daughter wakes up early at around 6.00 when I am still practising, I welcome her with a warm cuddle – simplicity
But I keep practicing until the end of the session – discipline
I make a bowl of cereal for her to eat with me while I continue to practice; sometimes I have to change the practice I was doing – flexibility
I explain to our daughter that I have no choice and that the practice is the most important thing for our life and our happiness – no choice

It was not always easy but now our daughter is used to our daily habit. She knows that the practice will continue for quite a while, until 7.30, and she is content now to play with toys or read books until it’s finished.

Finding Opportunities: A Mother Speaks

My husband and I will both enter option 4 during the 3 year retreat. We have two children 10 and 7 years of age. My husband can schedule his own worktime, which is a great advantage! But, being freelance, it also means that he has to work hard to get new assignments. I work three days a week as a teacher at a school for children with learning and behavioural difficulties. This is very challenging and provides plenty of opportunity for integration! It also requires another year of studying 10 hours a week.

Now, how do we organise our ambitious spiritual plans in this busy work/family schedule? This year we started to extend the time we spend on our practice. At the moment we get up at 5.45am to practise till 7.00am. We try to get up 5 minutes earlier every two weeks, till we will reach 5.30. At 7.00 the children join us for a few minutes. My husband makes breakfast and I leave home at 7.30. It takes me 25 minutes by bicycle to get to the school I work, during this time I listen to teachings on CD. During worktime I try to integrate as much as I can, for example by counting the moments I remember the Dharma! Sometimes in the afternoon I study when the children are watching a TV programme. In the evening I spend time with the children until bedtime at 20.30. Then I practise and study for another hour and a half. I go to bed at 22.00. There's not so much room for a busy social life, but I feel that social life becomes less important. On my days off I try to finish the study my work requires.

This looks like a tight schedule, but I found out that it is important not to hang on to this schedule too tightly! My husband and I have our 'lazy evenings' when we watch a movie or talk about domestic things, and 'lazy mornings' during the weekends, when we sleep a little longer. I feel this flexibility is important. As the Buddha said: not too tight and not too loose!

Recently we talked with the children about the 3 year retreat. We explained our plans and that we would like to make it as comfortable as possible for them. The last thing we want is that they get bad feelings about the Dharma. This is something we watch for, every day!